Difference of opinion, a very common thing. It would be nonhuman if there are no differences. These differences lead to discussion, heated discussion, arguments, quarrels and further physical actions. Where to stop in this chain is not a question of this topic. Common sense says don’t have quarrels, at least frequently and also subsequent steps. But we want to see what impact these quarrels cause on children? What is long term and short term parents fight effect on children?
What is Parents Fight Effect on Children?
The loud voices and aggressive exchange of words do frighten children. Children are not used to such a voices. If they are alone during such incidences, they may get so frightened, that they start shaking, sweating and crying. They may want to run away from such scene to a safe shelter. If a close person is keeping hand on children’s shoulder or holding child’s hand, they may be little comfortable.
If both the parent’s are involved in the quarrel, children tend to take side of one of them, one which is nearer to them, or to whom they are attached very much. But mind you this may be for some days, if the quarrels are frequent, children may start running from both the parents, thinking both are not so good.
When children see parents shouting and quarrelling, kids lose respect towards both of them. When you later try to tell something to kids with authority, children deny to accept. They can even give reference of your behaviour during quarrel to justify own behaviour. Parents may not have answer to this.
If the quarrels are frequent, children may start keeping distance from parents. They will prefer to be isolated though they are staying with you. This isolation is emotional and physical both. They may not share things with parents. They may prefer doing things in isolation if there is fear of parents ending up in argument due to child’s activity. Motive would be avoid parents, avoid things that can cause quarrels, and subsequently exposure to such quarrels.
Devaluation of Self Respect
When children compare themselves with other kids who are not complaining about their parent’s fights, children start feeling inferior. They lose self respect. Loss of self respect may lead to reactions from children. They may avoid friends. Again leading to isolation, which may cause behavioural disorders.
Being best imitator, children are bound to imitate parent’s behaviour sometime in future with someone, or even with parents only. So what they see is going to be recreated in same way or even with higher intensity.
There will be long term emotional impact on children in line with above points. This impact will tend to change behaviour of children with society and individually. Many acts will be backed by what they saw during quarrels of parents.
Even though we can’t avoid difference of opinion, we can definitely avoid showing these differences and non quiet discussions to children. Also avoid the tense atmosphere post heated discussion around children. In this way, it is good to not expose children to such situations even as a mediator. Happy childhood is key to a possibility of a better grown up person.